Dear God

August 20, 2007 at 9:31 pm (crying, dissapointed, dreams, music, unconfident)

Today I don’t believe in anything. I’m depressed, or maybe is the winter, I dunno. I really (really) want to give up on a lot of things…

I’m in Santiago and started with my new job. My job is awesome, and what takes me down is absolutely non related to that…

My sister told me that she’s engaged. Finally, after 2 years, she is engaged, and she and his boyfriend will marry on next December. I should be happy for her, cuz that’s something big for her, but I can’t.

Anyways, selfish people are alone… That explains a lot.

Today, I recommend this song, which perfectly fits with my mood.

Dear God – Sarah McLachlan

Dear God,
Hope you got the letter and
I pray you can make it better down here.
I don’t mean a big reduction in the price of beer
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet
‘Cause they don’t get enough to eat
From God
I can’t believe in you.

Dear God,
Sorry to disturb you, but
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in the amount of tears
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street
‘Cause they can’t make opinions meet

About God,
I can’t believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too?!

Dear God,
Don’t know if you noticed, but…
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book,
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true
Well I know it ain’t, and so do you

Dear God,
I can’t believe in…
I don’t believe in…

I won’t believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
You’re always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And it’s the same the whole world ’round.
The hurt I see helps to compound
That Father, Son and Holy Ghost
Is just somebody’s unholy hoax
And if you’re up there you’d perceive
That my heart’s here upon my sleeve.
If there’s one thing I don’t believe in…..

It’s you…..
Dear God.

that’s true, I don’t believe in you!!!

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Tired (The story of a Lonely Teacher)

August 13, 2007 at 2:41 am (crying, dissapointed, dreams, Shy, unconfident)

Lonely

Today I was thinking about this note*. What could I possibly write to make it funnier? I was thinking about some changes on the speech; being more comedic than dramatic. ‘Cause, you know, if I’m still single, is not because everybody else in this world became blind. Is just that I’ve never was really good at some things (dating being one of ’em).

I was thinking about being a nerd my entire life, and I was told by other people about bullying and stuff. And, sadly, I was thinking about myself back in school. I was not even known by my classmates. I had just one ‘friend’ at school, and he didn’t even like me; he kept having me as his friend because he wanted to get closer to my lil sister. Maybe only the teachers knew about myself because they were sort of afraid that I was some kind of psycho fuck (the fact that I was by myself all the time, and no one spoke to me didn’t really helped) they ‘recommended’ me to a shrink.

C’mon people, I AM JUST SHY!

I can’t picture myself in a party, basically for two reasons: one, I don’t have the kind of friends who go out and party; and two, if I would actually had ’em, maybe they’d be embarrassed because I don’t really know how to be social. I have already a hard time being a teacher, because student’s behavior is way more intense than I remembered. And, most important thing: I just fail to see someone nicely talking to me just because. Back in high school, guys just talked to me because they wanted to approve their finals. After that, they never spoke to me again. I didn’t fit with the dorks. Not even the freaks were my friends…

I’ve been shy since I can recall. Mom tells me that is just because I’m ‘in the wrong path’. That if I catch a nice lady, my life would become easier; I would even be able to speak out freely, without feeling stupid as it usually happens. I hate being like this, I think it’s nonsensical that a 30 yr old guy, who lives on his own, with a nice work, and average looking couldn’t find a way to feel comfortable with himself.

I hate being shy!
I hate being that guy who is so silent that becomes creepy.
I hate that no one ever looked at me when I’m walking down the street.
I hate that I always fell for the wrong guy.
Because basically, my entire life I’ve had crushes on the popular guys, the ones that have a beautiful smile. I don’t even like athletic guys (it’s kinda giving up. If the regular ones don’t even notice me, why should the muscled hunks do it?), I just want to be able to picture myself as a happy guy.

I think I’m pissed off about the way I handle (or don’t handle) socialization. But the most I think about it, the most I get to the same point. I need to stop doing this, ’cause it’s killing me. I don’t want to be known just for my family. At this very moment, I just have two friends. And both of ’em live in another city. I just want…

I just don’t want to be lonely.

*Colleague of mine

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The Blurry Winter…

August 9, 2007 at 1:23 am (introducing, music, Shy, unconfident, winter)

Ah, today I’ll start writing here.

We can say it’ll be almost like a diary. Almost, ‘cuz I’m not really interested in put everything that happens to me in here. Just the most important things LOL.

Well, concerning me, I’m 26 yrs old, I’m a music teacher, and I love playing piano and singing (and dancing too). Always wanted to know US and Canada, but I know I might never get there. Anyways, I’m used to be in here. Puerto Williams, the town in which I grew up, is the southernmost town in the world, and I’m kinda used to live in small towns (usually cold, by the way). Loved the sea since I can recall, I grew up as a loner wanting-not-to-be-one-anymore. Maybe ‘cuz I don’t have a boyfriend, or maybe cuz I’m a lil’ bit shy.

What else? Not really lookin’ for anybody at the moment, just enjoying my time on this earth.

Today’s Recommendation: Definitely it would be listening to Dustin O’Halloran. I fell in love with his music. And he’s beautiful, also (crap!, beautiful ppl should not be multi-talented… that makes us “normal”[?] guys look like jerks in front of ’em).

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