Love Your Neighbor

August 10, 2007 at 3:46 pm (gay, neighbour, sex)

My Neighbor Looks Like Him

During these last few weeks I’ve heard horrible stories about sex between neighbors.  I know about a friend that had sex with his neighbor and in 5 days his life became a full-time nightmare, ‘cuz every night my friend got home and turn the lights on, the front door was knocked and the neighbor was there. My friend’s desperation levels got so high, that the poor guy started walking up the stairs barefoot and at night he never turned on a light again. Everything to avoid the psycho ex-hot neighbor (fortunately, the neighbor just moved out after a week).  I’ve heard from some of my colleagues at work that they’ve spent weeks thinking that their neighbors were the best sexual solution that life could offer, so they promoted the acquisition of a neighbor-to-fuck (literally), and then, realizing that the guy-of-the-moment was nothing but a hardcore alcoholic and basically a pig who had fuck with the entire neighborhood before he did it with them, so they decided to move on, humiliated and unsatisfied. I’ve heard about my girls (college mates) complaining because their neighbors spy on them, snooping through the windows at night when they arrive, drunk from a party (as usual). I’ve heard about guys who buy spyglasses in order to improve their spying on the potential hot chicks/guys of the block. I’ve heard about the addiction that causes spying, stalking, and even trying to concert a ‘casual’ meeting on the stairs or the hallway of the building. I’ve heard about all of this, and in spite of everything, I’ve fallen: I’m interested in my new neighbor.

However, I have things to say to defend myself. First of all, the guy is absolutely not my type (if I really have one, cuz in deed I’ve never wanted to define myself as a guy-with-a-type-of-guy). I want to explain myself:  When I see him through my windowpane, I don’t believe that piece of meat could deeply change my life. When I see him walking, is just a nice and juicy steak. And he really has everything I’m not interested in, BUT (at the same time) I need: a gymnastic body. Me -a muscle hater-, now that I’ve seen my neighbor, I feel the appetite increasing in me. Well, you have to make some exceptions with the neighbors…

The truth is I’m kinda obsessed with the neighbor. I spy on him every time I can; I try to bump accidentally with him on the street, displaying my best cool-harmless-geeky-charming-friendly-neighbor smile. I’ve been so lost with this particular issue, that I’ve even wanted to have a minor emergency, like a little clumsy fire or another unhappy event that allows me to violently knock on his door.

And while that happens, I’m still here. I’ve been through completely boring afternoons, paying attention if he takes his jeep to go out, who’s with him and how’s he dressed. I try to imagine if he has hair on his chest or not (though I think/want he has), and the most stressful -and where all the stupidity of this particular case lies- is that I truly believe that he’s an excellent kisser.

My new neighbor is my new toy. I’ve fantasized that I knock on his door offering me for all the services he needs, dressed as nicely as I could. Or more simple things, like he’s parking his jeep and I’m waiting for him. Just one look and BAM! Instant make out while the rain falls down on us, without saying a single word. Because, so far, I’ve never heard his voice. I’ve never seen him close enough (just like 20 ft.), I haven’t smell his scent, I don’t even know if the guy is Chilean or not (I think he’s not, is too hot for a Chilean), and I suspect that probably he’s not bright enough to articulate a entire phrase, and -subsequently- ruining my entire fantasy… But I don’t want to spoil anything, I just got this precious gift and I’m not supposed to guess about what’s wrong with him…  rite?

“God Loves Me”, as some christian spot said, and that’s the reason He sent me tax-free meat into my doorstep, gift that I’m glad to receive in the best way I can. I mean, I swear that one of these days I will stop smiling from the distance and I will walk towards him and tell him that I’m his new happy-to-be neighbor. Just to know his voice, scent, nationality, vocabulary, etc. And that would be just the beginning, cuz if it works, I would totally offer my self for nothing. Oh crap.

I knew I was a little obsessed with this guy, but I warn you that I will become deaf and blind to all of the bad comments about neighbor-sex stories. I will assume that is just because everyone else got jealous and envious because they don’t have a neighbor that hot and good kisser as I. And that’s why I will go rite now to talk with him…

Wish me luck.

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