Love Your Neighbor

August 10, 2007 at 3:46 pm (gay, neighbour, sex)

My Neighbor Looks Like Him

During these last few weeks I’ve heard horrible stories about sex between neighbors.  I know about a friend that had sex with his neighbor and in 5 days his life became a full-time nightmare, ‘cuz every night my friend got home and turn the lights on, the front door was knocked and the neighbor was there. My friend’s desperation levels got so high, that the poor guy started walking up the stairs barefoot and at night he never turned on a light again. Everything to avoid the psycho ex-hot neighbor (fortunately, the neighbor just moved out after a week).  I’ve heard from some of my colleagues at work that they’ve spent weeks thinking that their neighbors were the best sexual solution that life could offer, so they promoted the acquisition of a neighbor-to-fuck (literally), and then, realizing that the guy-of-the-moment was nothing but a hardcore alcoholic and basically a pig who had fuck with the entire neighborhood before he did it with them, so they decided to move on, humiliated and unsatisfied. I’ve heard about my girls (college mates) complaining because their neighbors spy on them, snooping through the windows at night when they arrive, drunk from a party (as usual). I’ve heard about guys who buy spyglasses in order to improve their spying on the potential hot chicks/guys of the block. I’ve heard about the addiction that causes spying, stalking, and even trying to concert a ‘casual’ meeting on the stairs or the hallway of the building. I’ve heard about all of this, and in spite of everything, I’ve fallen: I’m interested in my new neighbor.

However, I have things to say to defend myself. First of all, the guy is absolutely not my type (if I really have one, cuz in deed I’ve never wanted to define myself as a guy-with-a-type-of-guy). I want to explain myself:  When I see him through my windowpane, I don’t believe that piece of meat could deeply change my life. When I see him walking, is just a nice and juicy steak. And he really has everything I’m not interested in, BUT (at the same time) I need: a gymnastic body. Me -a muscle hater-, now that I’ve seen my neighbor, I feel the appetite increasing in me. Well, you have to make some exceptions with the neighbors…

The truth is I’m kinda obsessed with the neighbor. I spy on him every time I can; I try to bump accidentally with him on the street, displaying my best cool-harmless-geeky-charming-friendly-neighbor smile. I’ve been so lost with this particular issue, that I’ve even wanted to have a minor emergency, like a little clumsy fire or another unhappy event that allows me to violently knock on his door.

And while that happens, I’m still here. I’ve been through completely boring afternoons, paying attention if he takes his jeep to go out, who’s with him and how’s he dressed. I try to imagine if he has hair on his chest or not (though I think/want he has), and the most stressful -and where all the stupidity of this particular case lies- is that I truly believe that he’s an excellent kisser.

My new neighbor is my new toy. I’ve fantasized that I knock on his door offering me for all the services he needs, dressed as nicely as I could. Or more simple things, like he’s parking his jeep and I’m waiting for him. Just one look and BAM! Instant make out while the rain falls down on us, without saying a single word. Because, so far, I’ve never heard his voice. I’ve never seen him close enough (just like 20 ft.), I haven’t smell his scent, I don’t even know if the guy is Chilean or not (I think he’s not, is too hot for a Chilean), and I suspect that probably he’s not bright enough to articulate a entire phrase, and -subsequently- ruining my entire fantasy… But I don’t want to spoil anything, I just got this precious gift and I’m not supposed to guess about what’s wrong with him…  rite?

“God Loves Me”, as some christian spot said, and that’s the reason He sent me tax-free meat into my doorstep, gift that I’m glad to receive in the best way I can. I mean, I swear that one of these days I will stop smiling from the distance and I will walk towards him and tell him that I’m his new happy-to-be neighbor. Just to know his voice, scent, nationality, vocabulary, etc. And that would be just the beginning, cuz if it works, I would totally offer my self for nothing. Oh crap.

I knew I was a little obsessed with this guy, but I warn you that I will become deaf and blind to all of the bad comments about neighbor-sex stories. I will assume that is just because everyone else got jealous and envious because they don’t have a neighbor that hot and good kisser as I. And that’s why I will go rite now to talk with him…

Wish me luck.

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11 Comments

  1. arkano18 said,

    Well, it wasn’t cool.

    I was decided to talk to him, but I began to walk towards him and didn’t realise of the snow. I fell on my face in front of him, and he just look at me with a sad look on his face. Like saying “poor bastard!”.

    Well, now I oficially hate myself.

    See ya!

  2. Ed said,

    Did he laugh? Or try to help you up? It’s all good! Go back and ask him for a cup of sugar if he says he doesn’t have any say want some? Ask him where he is from and look interested. say Well I have to go get some food you hungry? Let’s go find a coffee shop damn it’s cold today!
    Before yu know it you’ll be warming his heart and he’ll be warming your buns.

  3. arkano18 said,

    Naughty Eddie! But clever so far…

    My only problem is that I have no problem in thinking, planning, and writing the whole plot. The problem is that I’m so fuckin’ clumsy, that at the minute I’m near to him I will fall again, or maybe get so nervous that I will start laughing hysterical and with that snorting thing that I do when I laugh. Or maybe walk towards him very decided and when he looks at me, I’ll look other way and just keep walking. I´m hopeless.

  4. Ed said,

    I’m very shy in person too. I’m only brave on the internet. I turn so red when I see a cute guy that I’ve had them to ask me if I’m sick. Here’s an idea does he have a phone? Maybe call him and ask him if he wants to meet for coffee. I have learned over the years that most guys I meet though cute are not a little bit gay at all. first thing to find out about him is he gay? How? Ask him if he is seeing anybody. If he says no not right now he may be gay. Ask him if he likes that cute singer only don’t say cute. Then if he says yes, say do you think he is nice looking? If he says I don’t know or yeah for a guy. He is probably straight. If he says yeah he’s hot then you’ve got yourself a queer.
    Although I am old I have had very little experience because I come from a very small town. My suggestions may not work but what the fuck have you got to lose? Don’t worry about your looks you are a stone fox meaning very handsome indeed. Any guy would be lucky to be hanging on your arm and able to call you his boy friend.

  5. Ed said,

    Damn, I wish I was your neighbor. Whenever I post it tells a time and it is four hours later than what I have. I’m guessing that is your time. So it is 10:00 P.M. your time now so good night, buenos noches. I bet you have a sexy accent too. Sleep tight.

  6. arkano18 said,

    Hahaha, you know?

    Whenever I speak english, everyone tells me that I have a french accent… Well, I can imitate a lot of foreign accent in english, such as russian, french, latino, australian, jamaican, italian, hindi, etc.

    I love languages. Well, and I also want speak all of those languages too.

    Kisses.

    PS: My neighbour has a girlfriend. I saw them last night. 😦

  7. Ed said,

    I love accents. Too bad about the guy next door. I have seen many a hot guy only to find he is very straight. 😦
    I can help you with American English which is slightly different than British English. British: Neighbour American: Neighbor
    Brit: Colour Amer: Color
    Brit: Flavour Amer: Flavor
    Brit: Lift Amer: Elevator
    Brit: Bonnet Amer: Hood
    Brit: Pram Amer: Carriage
    Brit: Chips Amer: French Fries
    Brit: Knackered Amer: Tired
    Brit: Pissed=drunk Amer: Pissed =mad
    Enough for now. It is very hot here. 95 on the Faranheit scale I don’t know about Celsius.

  8. Daniel said,

    Wow! Gorgeous, muscled, and not too bright.
    Sounds perfect to me.

    You want to time your “emergency” for when he’s just stepping out of the shower.

    Bon Apetit!

  9. Daniel said,

    Just because he has a girlfriend doesn’t mean all is lost. It just means you approach him more carefully. A curious “straight” guy can be lots of fun.

    Sorry, I don’t mean to be your relationship coach or anything.

    But let him know who you are. Anything could develop.

  10. shamashu said,

    I can’t believe that your still single!! AT 26?! come on?!

    I think you need to break out of your shell if rejections pulls you down, remember not to take it personally though…

    I am currentlyexperiencing the same dilemna–singehood(no not neighborhood)

  11. shamashu said,

    sorry for the lapse in grammar. my mind is nowhere today…

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