Communication

August 29, 2007 at 10:24 pm (being better, dinner, dreams, flirting, gay, happyness, love, music, partying, playing piano, tea)

The party ended around 5 in the morning, so I decided to get a cab and go to my apartment. And Dan (a beautiful, beautiful guy who stared at me the whole dinner) asked me: “would you give me a ride? I live 2 blocks from your apartment” (we talked about that like 2 hours ago). I looked at him and just nodded my head… He sat near to me in the cab, and started asking me some questions: “So J, where did you live before? Why did you move to the town? Did you like it so far? Have you been to this new gay club? Do you know this restaurant?” I wanted to him to be quiet, cuz I was so nervous; but at the same time, he was staring at me very concentrated while he was asking. I felt like he did care about knowing that information. the thing is that once I was ready to step out of the cab, something really moves insdide of me… “Do you want to have a cup of tea with me?” (I know, it’s lame to invite to have some tea, like if I was a 65 yrs. old lady :D), I barely could believe what I just did. We went into the apartment and keep not talking… and share the cup of tea and looking at each other…

He noticed the piano and ask me to play a piece. I told him: “Dan, is 5:30 in the morning, neighbor’s gonna kill me”, but something in my head told me that was the perfect occasion. So I played for him, for more than an hour.

At 7, he said to me that he was about leaving, and i was kinda sad about. He look at me, and gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever had. I’ve never been that close to a guy in my entire life! After he left, i kept on playing the piano for another hour.

Well… tomorrow we’re going to dinner, together.

See ya!

BTW, the song in this video, is his favorite song, and we were the only two who were singing it when it started to play. That’s why he looked at me in the first place.

The Cardigans – Communication

Permalink 10 Comments

Fiesta!

August 28, 2007 at 12:56 am (being better, dinner, drinking, friendship, gay, happyness, improving, music, partying, sex)

Last Saturday I went to a party.  One of my job mates invited me, and since the guy is really nice, I said it was ok.  I went to a mall and spent a lot of money gettin clothes (since i never go out of the apt, i have like regular clothes, nothing fancy) and some nice dinner, and some nice wine for the party  ( i totally love wine) 😀

I was waiting very nervous for the clock saying:  it’s 11 o clock, it’s time for partying !!! (If you didn’t notice before, I’ve never was invited before to a real party.  Just with my family).

The nice guy (his name is Cristian), told me to relax, cuz I was really nervous.  He went to my apt, drank a cup of wine with me, and the we just go.

The thing was a dinner party of his boyfriend, and all the people in there were gay.  Everyone, so cute, so polite, so looking at me like “he is the shy guy who Cristian was talking about”, and my face was reddish.  well, maybe purple 😀

After some cups of wine, we begin to eat, and then sharing some fun info about ourselves… you know, the wine and being nervous is not usually a good combo.  I was drinking wine like if it was water.  Thank Gods i’m really used to drink wine i was just feeling relaxed.  and then we started to play games :S

I dunno why you call this game, the one that you’re challenged to tell the truth or to do something else. Well, since I’m not a guy who likes to ridicule himself by doin stupid things, i was just obliged to speak and share.

Hahaha, after that, saying a lot of things that made me look like the biggest nerd ever (never kissed anyone, never had sex in my life, never had a boyfriend, had a crush on ny sister’s fiance, etc), we decided to dance (it was about 3 o clock in the morning).

This was my favorite song that day 😀

Permalink 5 Comments

Dear God

August 20, 2007 at 9:31 pm (crying, dissapointed, dreams, music, unconfident)

Today I don’t believe in anything. I’m depressed, or maybe is the winter, I dunno. I really (really) want to give up on a lot of things…

I’m in Santiago and started with my new job. My job is awesome, and what takes me down is absolutely non related to that…

My sister told me that she’s engaged. Finally, after 2 years, she is engaged, and she and his boyfriend will marry on next December. I should be happy for her, cuz that’s something big for her, but I can’t.

Anyways, selfish people are alone… That explains a lot.

Today, I recommend this song, which perfectly fits with my mood.

Dear God – Sarah McLachlan

Dear God,
Hope you got the letter and
I pray you can make it better down here.
I don’t mean a big reduction in the price of beer
But all the people that you made in your image,
See them starving on their feet
‘Cause they don’t get enough to eat
From God
I can’t believe in you.

Dear God,
Sorry to disturb you, but
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear.
We all need a big reduction in the amount of tears
And all the people that you made in your image,
See them fighting in the street
‘Cause they can’t make opinions meet

About God,
I can’t believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too?!

Dear God,
Don’t know if you noticed, but…
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book,
Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look,
And all the people that you made in your image,
Still believing that junk is true
Well I know it ain’t, and so do you

Dear God,
I can’t believe in…
I don’t believe in…

I won’t believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
You’re always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And it’s the same the whole world ’round.
The hurt I see helps to compound
That Father, Son and Holy Ghost
Is just somebody’s unholy hoax
And if you’re up there you’d perceive
That my heart’s here upon my sleeve.
If there’s one thing I don’t believe in…..

It’s you…..
Dear God.

that’s true, I don’t believe in you!!!

Permalink 5 Comments

As The Rush Comes

August 17, 2007 at 4:16 pm (dreams, happyness, improving, job, love, music, Shy)

Just for the curious I will leave a picture of me.

209585758tl638002967.jpg

“Traveling somewhere, it could be anywhere; there’s a coldness in the air but I don’t care. We drift deeper into the sound and life goes on, we drift deeper into the sound, feeling strong, so bring it on…

Embrace me, surround me as the rush comes…”

(Motorcycle – As The Rush Comes)

I came back yesterday from my interview in this big job. Finally, the decision was made: I’m in!.
I applied 2 months ago to a job bid for Lead Trainer position, and no one ever told me about what happened. I thought I would die in my filthy Trainer position, getting to know nothing about the real world, high buildings and glamour itself (LOL)

Now, they think I’m the best for the position. So, now I’m the Lead Trainer in Chile…

Finally, this is the opportunity I was looking for. Now I can make it to a great job, get to know some people and make some good money.

VoIP Company I can’t disclosure its name, Here I come!

The song is one that really makes me want someone to love. I’m waiting, I want to be embraced, surrounded when the rush comes.

Permalink 8 Comments

Tired (The story of a Lonely Teacher)

August 13, 2007 at 2:41 am (crying, dissapointed, dreams, Shy, unconfident)

Lonely

Today I was thinking about this note*. What could I possibly write to make it funnier? I was thinking about some changes on the speech; being more comedic than dramatic. ‘Cause, you know, if I’m still single, is not because everybody else in this world became blind. Is just that I’ve never was really good at some things (dating being one of ’em).

I was thinking about being a nerd my entire life, and I was told by other people about bullying and stuff. And, sadly, I was thinking about myself back in school. I was not even known by my classmates. I had just one ‘friend’ at school, and he didn’t even like me; he kept having me as his friend because he wanted to get closer to my lil sister. Maybe only the teachers knew about myself because they were sort of afraid that I was some kind of psycho fuck (the fact that I was by myself all the time, and no one spoke to me didn’t really helped) they ‘recommended’ me to a shrink.

C’mon people, I AM JUST SHY!

I can’t picture myself in a party, basically for two reasons: one, I don’t have the kind of friends who go out and party; and two, if I would actually had ’em, maybe they’d be embarrassed because I don’t really know how to be social. I have already a hard time being a teacher, because student’s behavior is way more intense than I remembered. And, most important thing: I just fail to see someone nicely talking to me just because. Back in high school, guys just talked to me because they wanted to approve their finals. After that, they never spoke to me again. I didn’t fit with the dorks. Not even the freaks were my friends…

I’ve been shy since I can recall. Mom tells me that is just because I’m ‘in the wrong path’. That if I catch a nice lady, my life would become easier; I would even be able to speak out freely, without feeling stupid as it usually happens. I hate being like this, I think it’s nonsensical that a 30 yr old guy, who lives on his own, with a nice work, and average looking couldn’t find a way to feel comfortable with himself.

I hate being shy!
I hate being that guy who is so silent that becomes creepy.
I hate that no one ever looked at me when I’m walking down the street.
I hate that I always fell for the wrong guy.
Because basically, my entire life I’ve had crushes on the popular guys, the ones that have a beautiful smile. I don’t even like athletic guys (it’s kinda giving up. If the regular ones don’t even notice me, why should the muscled hunks do it?), I just want to be able to picture myself as a happy guy.

I think I’m pissed off about the way I handle (or don’t handle) socialization. But the most I think about it, the most I get to the same point. I need to stop doing this, ’cause it’s killing me. I don’t want to be known just for my family. At this very moment, I just have two friends. And both of ’em live in another city. I just want…

I just don’t want to be lonely.

*Colleague of mine

Permalink 10 Comments

Love Your Neighbor

August 10, 2007 at 3:46 pm (gay, neighbour, sex)

My Neighbor Looks Like Him

During these last few weeks I’ve heard horrible stories about sex between neighbors.  I know about a friend that had sex with his neighbor and in 5 days his life became a full-time nightmare, ‘cuz every night my friend got home and turn the lights on, the front door was knocked and the neighbor was there. My friend’s desperation levels got so high, that the poor guy started walking up the stairs barefoot and at night he never turned on a light again. Everything to avoid the psycho ex-hot neighbor (fortunately, the neighbor just moved out after a week).  I’ve heard from some of my colleagues at work that they’ve spent weeks thinking that their neighbors were the best sexual solution that life could offer, so they promoted the acquisition of a neighbor-to-fuck (literally), and then, realizing that the guy-of-the-moment was nothing but a hardcore alcoholic and basically a pig who had fuck with the entire neighborhood before he did it with them, so they decided to move on, humiliated and unsatisfied. I’ve heard about my girls (college mates) complaining because their neighbors spy on them, snooping through the windows at night when they arrive, drunk from a party (as usual). I’ve heard about guys who buy spyglasses in order to improve their spying on the potential hot chicks/guys of the block. I’ve heard about the addiction that causes spying, stalking, and even trying to concert a ‘casual’ meeting on the stairs or the hallway of the building. I’ve heard about all of this, and in spite of everything, I’ve fallen: I’m interested in my new neighbor.

However, I have things to say to defend myself. First of all, the guy is absolutely not my type (if I really have one, cuz in deed I’ve never wanted to define myself as a guy-with-a-type-of-guy). I want to explain myself:  When I see him through my windowpane, I don’t believe that piece of meat could deeply change my life. When I see him walking, is just a nice and juicy steak. And he really has everything I’m not interested in, BUT (at the same time) I need: a gymnastic body. Me -a muscle hater-, now that I’ve seen my neighbor, I feel the appetite increasing in me. Well, you have to make some exceptions with the neighbors…

The truth is I’m kinda obsessed with the neighbor. I spy on him every time I can; I try to bump accidentally with him on the street, displaying my best cool-harmless-geeky-charming-friendly-neighbor smile. I’ve been so lost with this particular issue, that I’ve even wanted to have a minor emergency, like a little clumsy fire or another unhappy event that allows me to violently knock on his door.

And while that happens, I’m still here. I’ve been through completely boring afternoons, paying attention if he takes his jeep to go out, who’s with him and how’s he dressed. I try to imagine if he has hair on his chest or not (though I think/want he has), and the most stressful -and where all the stupidity of this particular case lies- is that I truly believe that he’s an excellent kisser.

My new neighbor is my new toy. I’ve fantasized that I knock on his door offering me for all the services he needs, dressed as nicely as I could. Or more simple things, like he’s parking his jeep and I’m waiting for him. Just one look and BAM! Instant make out while the rain falls down on us, without saying a single word. Because, so far, I’ve never heard his voice. I’ve never seen him close enough (just like 20 ft.), I haven’t smell his scent, I don’t even know if the guy is Chilean or not (I think he’s not, is too hot for a Chilean), and I suspect that probably he’s not bright enough to articulate a entire phrase, and -subsequently- ruining my entire fantasy… But I don’t want to spoil anything, I just got this precious gift and I’m not supposed to guess about what’s wrong with him…  rite?

“God Loves Me”, as some christian spot said, and that’s the reason He sent me tax-free meat into my doorstep, gift that I’m glad to receive in the best way I can. I mean, I swear that one of these days I will stop smiling from the distance and I will walk towards him and tell him that I’m his new happy-to-be neighbor. Just to know his voice, scent, nationality, vocabulary, etc. And that would be just the beginning, cuz if it works, I would totally offer my self for nothing. Oh crap.

I knew I was a little obsessed with this guy, but I warn you that I will become deaf and blind to all of the bad comments about neighbor-sex stories. I will assume that is just because everyone else got jealous and envious because they don’t have a neighbor that hot and good kisser as I. And that’s why I will go rite now to talk with him…

Wish me luck.

Permalink 11 Comments

Dustin, I love you!!! Please come and get me!

August 9, 2007 at 5:19 pm (dreams, friendship, gay, introducing, love, music)

Dustin lookin’ beautiful

I have to admit it.

I have a crush on Dustin. No, I fell in love with Dustin. Last night I was having the most beautiful dream, about having a totally fulfilling life. I was in my apartment (a really spacious one, in a first world city -at this point I was aware it was a dream-), just listening some piano music while I was cooking something quite exotic (it looked delicious. I’m not implying that it actually was something exquisite). My performance at the kitchen was perfect, and the music suddenly stopped. 10 seconds later, Dustin O’Halloran was taking me by the hand and saying: “Sweetie, it looks delicious…”, just before kissing me, softly and gentle. His words still sound in my head like it was true, liked it had happened. Well, of course the dream didn’t stop right there, but the important thing is that I was dreaming about a guy I’ve never actually seen (not even in videos), just some photographs. I’ve listened to his music, which is beautiful, and I’m at this very moment doing some arrangements on his work. I play a lot of piano (which doesn’t mean I’m good at it), and I totally love his music. And, I can’t actually stop fantasizing about him….

Dustin Playin’ for me (yeah, I wish…)

Well, if you want to listen to his music, or see his pictures, please visit his official website:

http://www.dustinohalloran.com/index.php

Permalink 2 Comments

The Blurry Winter…

August 9, 2007 at 1:23 am (introducing, music, Shy, unconfident, winter)

Ah, today I’ll start writing here.

We can say it’ll be almost like a diary. Almost, ‘cuz I’m not really interested in put everything that happens to me in here. Just the most important things LOL.

Well, concerning me, I’m 26 yrs old, I’m a music teacher, and I love playing piano and singing (and dancing too). Always wanted to know US and Canada, but I know I might never get there. Anyways, I’m used to be in here. Puerto Williams, the town in which I grew up, is the southernmost town in the world, and I’m kinda used to live in small towns (usually cold, by the way). Loved the sea since I can recall, I grew up as a loner wanting-not-to-be-one-anymore. Maybe ‘cuz I don’t have a boyfriend, or maybe cuz I’m a lil’ bit shy.

What else? Not really lookin’ for anybody at the moment, just enjoying my time on this earth.

Today’s Recommendation: Definitely it would be listening to Dustin O’Halloran. I fell in love with his music. And he’s beautiful, also (crap!, beautiful ppl should not be multi-talented… that makes us “normal”[?] guys look like jerks in front of ’em).

Permalink 2 Comments